Recently, or maybe not so recently, the days tend to blend together when you’re preparing for college, I came across this idea of sex positivity education. It actually might have been introduced to me by my teacher, who said her mother had a very sex positive way of educating her and her brother, and look how well she turned out?
I was intrigued, and decided to do a little digging of my own. Let the research commence!
To begin with, what is sex positive education?
The first thing to understand about this type of education is that it is about taking away the stigma that comes with talking about the “birds and bees” (which, by the way, is a saying that I’ve never fully understood). It is about discussing sex in a calm, factual, open way that allows adolescents to explore what sex is without attaching all of these taboos to it. It is not about promoting sex, but it is about promoting sex education. It is about making the process of learning about sex, something most people will go through at some point in their lives, a process that is not confined to sketchy websites and misogynistic porn (I have nothing against porn, I just think that when you have porn laws that regulate the extent to which the satisfaction of women can be shown but not men, you have a pretty patriarchal version of sex) and is instead discussed in the classroom, with people who know how to teach it and how to make sure that no child ever has to go through periods of self-doubt (if you’re asexual or simply do not want to have sex before you feel ready but feel pressured to) or self hatred (hence the in-cel) about sex during their hormone raging teenage years.
Essentially, sex positivity is what this website is all about– promoting good sex education so that people are not ashamed of their sexual desires and are able to protect themselves.
Sex isn’t always meant to be a positive thing to discuss. After all, sex is used as a weapon too often in history, and remains a private and personal part of people’s lives. It is, however, something normal, and should not be treated with the shame it is treated with today. This website isn’t meant to promote sex. This website is about discussing and understanding sex (hence the education part of sex education) in all of its glory and all of its gory so that teenagers like myself do not have to feel as though they are alone when they are trying to discover who they are.
Another thing to discuss when talking about sex-positive education is pleasure, or pleasure-based sex education. We talk about sex so much that sometimes it ceases to become simply something that we do for pleasure. Historically, sex has not always been for pleasure, and that remains true today. Women, for instance, often feel compelled to have sex for the product, or the child, and that is especially true for women in China, where birth rates have gotten so low that the Chinese government has decided to rescind the One-Child policy and is now encouraging families to have three children. But more importantly, women’s sexual pleasure has been suppressed for too long. I remember reading in the Vagina Monologues that the man who so-called “discovered” the clitoris was sure it was the sign of the devil, and the woman he discovered it on was killed as a witch.
Even today, female sexuality is repressed and much less accepted than male sexuality. Where men can express their sexual delights however they choose fit, up to and including loudly discussing their sexual fantasies in the locker areas (am I speaking from personal experience? Who knows?), women are slut-shamed for any sort of expression of desire.
Think back to stories in popular media. The woman who is sexually satisfied or sexually comfortable with herself and expresses her sexuality confidently, with no fear. Who is that woman?
She’s the femme fatale. She’s the crazy best friend who only drinks and has sex all day long. She is that one person who needs to be “tamed” and needs to change. Think Mindy in Emily in Paris, think the Evil Queen in Snow White, think Lilith Ritter in Nightmare Alley.
Of course, as times change, so do perceptions of women, and slowly our media has grown to include women who are sex positive and who are comfortable with themselves and are still good characters. But this shift needs to be reflected in our education, lest this trend turn out to be nothing more than a passing fad.
So what are some ways we can encourage sex positive teaching? For starters, don’t shy away from sex talks. Don’t give the idea that you’re uncomfortable answering questions about sex abstractly. You might not want to talk about your own experiences, which is completely fine and understandable. But shying away from the topic only implies that you think the topic is shameful.
And use resources online to educate yourselves! 10 Best Sex Ed Resources for Families - Sex Positive Families is a good place to find resources. The book “Birds and Bees” is really good for basic introductions into how to both educate yourself and help those around you when it comes to sex education.
Be safe, guys, and happy Wednesday!
Citations
Emily. “Education.” Center for Positive Sexuality, 16 May 2022, https://positivesexuality.org/education/.
Mcarnagey. “10 Best Sex Ed Resources for Families.” Sex Positive Families, 14 Nov. 2021, https://sexpositivefamilies.com/10-best-sex-ed-resources-for-families/.
School of Sexuality Education. “What Is Sex Positivity?” School of Sexuality Education, School of Sexuality Education, 14 June 2022, https://schoolofsexed.org/blog-articles/2019/11/4/what-is-sex-positivity.
Zoella, Team, and Zoe Sugg. “So, What Is Sex-Positive & Pleasure-Based Sex Education?” Zoella, 2 Aug. 2021, https://zoella.co.uk/2021/04/09/so-what-is-sex-positive-pleasure-based-sex-education/.
Commentaires